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Furby

FURBY! RUN AWAY!

Furbies or simply Furby, are, first and foremost, evil things that ever devour children's souls. Furbies are some of the evil Pedobear's minions (they formerly belonged to the Teletubbies) that he uses to rule the world. They can eat people. Furby is also one of Kirby's disguises.

They are alien creatures led by Satan, Pedobear, Dr. Phil (who hypnotizes little children into thinking they like a furby with in depth talks about noththing that no one listens to or understands he also uses the reflection of his giant ugly fat head), Oprah Winfrey, Timmy Turner, Tourettes Guy and his good friend, Al Gore who disguise themselves as cute toys for unsuspecting children. The only way to kill a Furby is to microwave it.

Furbys come from the planet Zoltron, on the outer edges of the milky way galaxy. In the 1960's, the U.S. government sent a space team to Zoltron to collect Furbies for use in government reconnaissance. Most historians now believe this was, like the amnesty bill, a result of faulty intelligence and a really stupid idea.

Furbies Unleashed

Furbies were reinvented in 1997 by evil Hasbro agent Oprah Winfrey who had previously become the leader of the United Federation of Furbies. 3 kids were found dead the following Christmas. Their toys were suspected to be the culprit in their murders.

Physiology

Furbies are small bird-like things resembeling the things from the movie Gremlins, with a taste for human flesh. Furbies have large ears, which are used for eavesdropping upon everything around them and reporting it to King Furballshotzin of the planet Furballfickux. Some can fly. The "fluffiness" of Furbies is a biological adaptation which developed generate affection from humans, specially females, which enjoy Furbies rubbing their coconuts. Beware, Furby coconut rubbing is extremely addictive. The only recorded event occurred with a certain gertus cordus (gerta) who I'm afraid is still being rubbed by a furby as she cannot live without it. Furbies come in many colors; generally, furbies with a cool color scheme are female, and Furbies with a warm color scheme are generally male. Brown and black Furbies are considered to be transvestites.

Furbies have beaks. They use these beaks to separate Nitrogen from the atmosphere.

Furbies have eyes... they can see EVERYTHING.

If one was to turn around the beak of a Furby, one would find a long appendage attached to the "tongue", and antennae of sorts used to send any information they have gained for the demise of earth to the signal receivers on their home planet.

Communication

They communicate to each other through the shapes above their eyes. They are fluent in Furbish, a language closely related to Telugu.

There aren't enough words in Furbish for effective communication. Their English vocabulary grows as they spend more time with humans.

Furbish, though, is surpassed by the true language of the Furbies. It has no name pronounceable by humans, and sounds remarkably similar to static. It is primarily composed of buzzing, beeping, clicking, and whirring noises, some of which are intelligible to electronic devices, such as vacuum cleaners, and make them explode.

Souls and your Furby

A fact some people refuse to believe (Since they are hypnotized by Furbys) is that Furbys will consume your Soul. They Don't need it, they'll do it just for fun. They discovered three ways of stealing human souls:

  • Injecting - By singing stupid songs, they slowly steal your soul and inject stupid juice into your brain.
  • Slowly stalking you at night then pouncing.
  • By using a "bad touch", don't tell anybody, or else uncle furby will kill you.

A Furby can steal souls of a dozen people in only one Day.

The Furby Empire

Currently, the only earth-based furby kingdom is the one of Uganda, which is at war with the Booga Booga kingdom.

Furbies in Foreign Policy

During WWII, Rudolph Smitler instituted a ban on Furbies (even though he is allied with them) because they were related to Mogwais. Smitler hated Mogwais for their begging of food. He declared that anyone who harboured Furbies would be condemned to die by taking one of Adolf Hitler's multivitamins with a martini. Smitler's multivitamins consisted of cocaine, morphine, oxycoton, and marajuana.

In more current events, Furbies are used at Guantanamo Bay Detention Center to interrogate terrorists. They are trained at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

Microwaves and Furbies

Microwaves of any sort have an interesting effect on the Furby, causing it to go insane, speak Furbish and screech and call people within the area lewd names. The Furby's vain attempt at trying to take your soul, sanity and anything else you might have. This is a common execution method for Furby haters, or "the Enlightened". It is a common misconception that simply taking the batteries will work. This is not true. They simply use batteries as a way to fool you.

Air Horns and Furbies

Furbys are over powered by many things, save for anything that has to do with your soul, dictating, George Bush, or your mom. Airhorns cause Furbies to go insane and spit gibberish from their beaks. Do not be fooled, they are perfectly fine, and only use this trick to attempt to steal your soul. Furby's also bomb people to kill them. They are known for eating everything in sight, including people, and babies.

Soldier Furbies

The Russians genetically engineered furbies and used them to annihilate and control people. Von Gotte Kai, early Prime Minister of Russia, decided to use them as weapons for dominating small parts of Europe and tiny parts of Asia. The Soldier Furbies through mass propaganda and murder helped the commies to take over some of Europe. After the fall of The Red Towers, the Soldier Furbies retreated to an island.

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